The Arms of My Father

The Arms of My Father

I’d had been tired of it all, I’d been weary many times, I had been scared and I wouldn’t ask God for his companionship through these troubles.

This train was going too fast and that’s exactly how my life was going; too fast and surely to bounce off some wall.

People had lied to me which is to be expected, human is a gift and a curse and we all own it.

People didn’t understand my accomplishments therefore breaking bread with me brought on disgust. I was human and would be nothing else, but now I was hoping that I could ask god for the chance to be able,cus he cannot do for me.

He can show me how.

God is NOT a Genie.

I wanted people to know I am just me and while I want the world to have peace the most, only a solid prayer will just have to do.

I bore two children and they were beautiful and the world wouldn’t treat them kind but I was raising them to do better than the next person, don’t act in anger because it will only hurt them.

All of my friends knew that the loved me despite my ways, I loved them back and more than anything I wanted them to address me as an equal, not quarrel behind my back for my indiscretions and judge.

While I was no perfection the people existing in this life around me were the same, looking for the next way out of struggle.

Not one knee hit the ground to beg mercy, show god they had need and a big want for relief, some people saw themselves too good for such a task, when while simple, pride was stronger than their love.

Lust was and sometimes is my best calling. I live in those slippery moments for the temporary comfort they bring and I repeat them until I tire of myself. I usually can’t find the love I want and need therefore I keep on looking. The number stamped in the underside of my arm is the sign of the many, I hope this one was the last; the only man I told was God.

That finally, I am giving up on that tragic journey.

The rails were sparking. My eyes were fearful and everyone seated and scared were unsure what would be next.....we were living in a superman moment, thinking if we held on tight enough we'd make it through the crash surely to come.....no such luck, as all the bodies flew, we all realized through this none of us would come through. I opened my heart while I flew into the arms of my father God.

The End

TG

Long time no see blogger. It's Saturday afternoon on the 5th of May and its a cloudy day but I love it still and hope that all will go well as it usually does. So anyway the last two weeks have been trying weeks, weeks of my battling the "leaving him alone" stage that is hurting me so much. Listen up blogger, women and men do it, where we realized all the women or men in our lives repeatedly do things that do not encourage anything beneficial to us! I hate knowing that months ago or even years ago I could've done something to get to this same moment I am in now. When I hear someone important in my life say "Mika your so important to me and I love you" but show me that selfishness is something that they cannot get away from. Truth be told I am not interested. Yes I meet a lot of men, all over the place, this is something I've told my ex plenty of times, and much as I was encouraged by friends and associates to do what's better for me, spread my wings and live as a woman with no one stopping me, I couldn't!  There was no way I could get up and snake out how I was going to take advantage of any man willing to give me the comfortable life where I didn't have to do much with myself but breath and be supportive. I wasn't the girl to live for money, I was built by God to live for love and love with good intent. I don't know my purpose in this life yet, but so far God has shown me in order for me to get, I need discipline and discipline comes in the effect of showing that I have restraint and humility, in which I have much of and I carry it around with me often. I watch women break heart and never say sorry and that's all I do because everyone deserves to know that they were not the cause of the hurt, especially if they didn't see it coming. To a BIG fault I am very aware of all around me and it hurts that I am the only one so familiar to my wrong doings, that is only because eventually I want to make it right what I have or will do wrong. Other people around me will see me having nothing but will always be mad that they didn't have enough from me. Even though I might've blistered my fingers, almost get hit my an ambulance or even severe my ear(things of which haven't happened except for the ambulance part) they'll never see that with all of me all I wanted for them was the best. Today when I prayed to God once again, I asked him to continue to let it hurt that I have to so harshly get away from these people in my life even if I love them dearly but give me the chance to restore myself anew for the better, no repeats and no regrets. This is how my Saturday began and I love it.


Inspired by: My ability to live and adapt.

Hair JUNKIE ADDICT GIVE AWAY/THE ISH MUST GO!

So I have been on a long hair journey, stemming from Nov 2010 to present. And lets just say its driving me nuts! I don't like having all these products that I am sure I'll never be using again and they were hardly used once purchased. I don't want to sell 'em, I just want em out of my eye sight and house. I actually want to start anew with my hair journey all over again because I am completely unsatisfied with where it is going right now, but I have soooo many events coming up in the next few months that I cannot and will not cut my hair again until they come to pass. However these products are taking control of my room. I feel forced into viewing each and every last product then using it because I am totally not trying to waste them by throwing them out. So this post is for anyone who is into hair junkie-ism as I am that is interested in having free products and doesn't mind paying possible shipping and handling. By all means let me know! Thanks and have a blessed one.

Moonlight and Unfinished Business

Years past and still standing in the moment of side glances and not knowing where to go from here. I am standing in your space, missing that face that has been absent for so long. You’re catching me under the stars and peeling me back one layer at a time. I am stuck in between going forward and holding some of me back from you. I am choosing my words and my eyes are saying what I won’t say and with you staring so intently I feel betrayed. Betrayed by my mind and my heart and every part of me that knows that it’s nothing wrong with sharing all of me with you. I watch you smile and talk, each syllable your lips release I want to catch them as they fall, I want to be the captor and never forget all the things we shared because intensity and honesty don’t meet in this place between two people too often.

I had feelings, forever constant, forever coming and going and I can only imagine if you’ve experienced the same but I do know this that because we wanted things to be…….. they were.  You invited me and I walked into your arms, into your space and into the BIG Baby BROWN eyes that wouldn’t turn away from me while I talked.  You hear me tell you that your beautiful and that I love you for who you are and that I appreciate and cherish you very deeply and even in complimenting the beauty of you, your feelings over power me and tell me to do more, love more and stop turning away……However all things in life can’t suddenly become easy.

You’ve caught me off guard centering your hands near the weakest parts of my body, putting pressure on my heart and mind to do more to change how love has come to you and even then I just don’t know how to make this a happy ending and still be your friend, still love you even when you find yourself in the arms of another heart……I want to be beneath you making love, sending you to a release that shows that I’ve done nothing but love you and accept us as we’ve presented ourselves.  I want to share with the world the things in you’ve that have changed in no way any one man can change them. I want to show you the resiliency in being close with someone and still allowing them to learn and love and decide for them if they wanted anyone to make an appearance to love, not just for show. For you I am hoping there’s a medium we can meet and still share, love, respect and faith for one another.

Thinking about thinking about Nothing!

LOL. Before I had made my trip here to school, I had turned on some Whitney Houston and danced to her greatest hits~1st CD. I twirled,skipped and clapped and shook my hips, I had gotten so lost in the music because it was GOOD! I had turned to all the pictures in my home and sang to all the people in them and laughed and giggled so hard. I think God was chuckling too; that's how good of a day it was to me. I had done all that I needed to in an orderly fashion and there were no hostile feeling floating around. At  some point on the B49 bus, I had thought about how good it was to ponder on only things that made me smile. It was such a relief to have nothing to worry about,nothing to tend to last minute and food in my belly. In the words of ICE CUBE:"Today Was a Good Day".   Awesome!

Inspired by: God and merry feelings.

Turning to walk

You turn and each time you do so,  I hate to see you go! I hate watching someone who brings me such comfortability all the best things a human being could give which is their time. And so little of it with such a heavy weight to it. I appreciate it all. I still...hate seeing you walk away. Kissing me goodbye, talking of later, waiting around til later comes. I am smitten still, even after all the trouble we've had. I still look at you with a fresh face. I guess that's because I do not ask anything of you that I know you cannot provide or would ultimately make me selfish. I cry after you leave and after that then I can openly look forward to the next time I'll see you. Speaking of love, I am following my heart, I am not pushing you, I am not forcing me, I am letting all between us be. I thank you and the things you've said to me for that. I thank you for your manhood. The life that you've lead thus far, some part of you appreciates the precious things before you realize it and that's the innocence in you that I love. That innocence I sometimes see but not often. Every time you walk away part of me will cry but I know before I can even think of how long you've been gone, you'll be walking right back to me.


Inspired By:Friendship that started as Love. Thankful for a man who is becoming a bestest friend.


TG

The People Of Work

There's the clique and the people who just simply want to work and do nothing else. I am that fortunate one who belongs to the best part, which is the Simply Work people. (Laughing out Loud) I don't just talk with one person or a group, I talk to all. I find no rule in life that says such must happen, I just live this way. Then again, the clique people rather I be cool, get written up and on probation, just so we can say we all have something in common! "Uh.....No, thanks", but your still cool people"! I am no perfect worker but I enjoy doing things that will go noticed, Like the completion of all work before 5pm and no lip in between. I've run up a small number of co-workers that can't stand me. My look, my character and the things I do are all in question of : "how much hate does each thing deserve"? And I like the trouble that they go through because simply put, there's not enough room from work to contribute to the non-sense! "No, unfortunately I don't care how hard chris brown hit rihanna"! However that makes me no less of a darling than anyone else. I hate how such minor things displease people whom I hardly know and do not have to answer to. The people of work all seem to come to do the same thing but end up bringing their lives, their hatred and bad grammar to the wrong place and at the wrong time. (Secretly, I laugh at them all. I could care less)


Inspired By:The things that people shouldn't do at work and my Best Friends tale of her work day.
Disclaimer: This is me discussing my experiences with work in general. I do not wish to cause trouble or hurt any one's feeling with such writing.


TG

Call It What You Will

I am still undefined, you cannot find me like you can everyone else. And that is where I belong, out of your way,out of your sight and far away from your mind. A friend can only do so much to the other before the cookie crumbles. I've played with fire and didn't get burned until I said you could come along. I am not meant to be a person with you in this way. We lived on that line of uncertainty and a real personal with real intentions couldn't be honest with me. Couldn't show me to the softer, kindred side. That is the person I am not interested in knowing anymore. Call me stupid but every friendship is tested to this limit and you have done so, spilled it well over the limit. People will ask you, what have you done to cause such a stirr and there isn't much to say. It's just in niceness, even people you love, can do away with your heart and time and not once look back at the burning trouble they've caused.


Inspired by: Poetry